i already hear my dad disowning me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
try to milk me bitch
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