The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
