I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
