I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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