when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
