I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
