he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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