Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
