Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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