my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
