I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
