You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
