Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
