my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
