nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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