The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
