you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i drank out of a bidet.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
