literally had 100 drinks last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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