Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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