I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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