We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
