Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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