I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
