3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
