man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
