Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
