A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
