Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
