I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
