it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So squirting runs in the family.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
