Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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