Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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