I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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