i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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