she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
