Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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