i just had sex bonerless
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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