Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
