i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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