Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
