trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
