last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
