I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
