Is it because I queefed?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
