is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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