why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
