highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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