If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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