I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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