(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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