while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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